Sunday, 13 May 2007

A different take on life

I had a day of different sorts today. Morning started ok... Had scrambled eggs for breakfast and went to Giant to help out with the groceries. Came back- blogged a bit then didnt do anything really interesting. Then went to Ikea for lunch- which turned out pretty bad. No pics - it wasnt the food- i mean what can you get from Mass produced stuff? I think i was not feeling well. My throat still hurts and was made worse when i strolled outside the curve to check out the flea market. Felt like fainting there, luckily i made into Cineleisure. However, i was assaulted with different feelings there. Reminded me of the times fren and i were there. I left quickly.

Then bought some cheap t-shirts on sale in Padini.... thought it turned out an ok day. Slept for a while then turned on my pc. Sounds like a mundane weekend doesnt it. Nothing special.

All the floggers seem to be on hiatus this weekend - so nothing interesting, i was at either masak(x2) or precious pea's where i got to Tankiasu's website. Click here to access the link.

I think after reading this - i stopped to think what am i in this for. Ever asked yourself why you work and why do you work so hard for? Good question- i asked myself today... i cant really find the answer to be honest. I, am by admission a workaholic. I can work from 7:30 till at least 9:00pm. Not in one sittinglah- but have to go toilet, walkaround etc. Still it is not a healthy lifestyle.

Many years ago it would be for the following reasons:
1) Financial Independence
2) To feed yourself.
3) Make full use of your University Degree. This is what one of my cousins's said
4) To be the breadwinner of your family.

10 years now i my reasons are so totally different. I have acheived from 1-3. I have no reason to be 4 because my parents are also independent in their senior years. But why do i work now?
1) I want to keep busy? Am addicted to working, not doing anything drives me batty.
2) More money is always a must.
3) At this point of time- right now, working keeps me from thinking about things i do not want to think about.
4) Sad to say- i love work.

Reading about May's death due to work - sort of hit me. If you read her blog- it is even sad she blogged about her frustrations and stress but unfortunately did not pick up the signs her body was telling her to rest. To do some self reflection, few weeks back, i could not sleep, had heart palpitations ( to a point i felt it while i was driving) and very bad gastric. A week back, my colleague RR told me- she knew i am using my work to hide my frustrations and pain. My supervisor- who is like a good friend to me, many months back was hospitalized for a month, due to stress. Does this sound like a unhealthy trend to you?

After reading about May- i now seriously ask myself- do you think it is all worth it to work like this? For who does it benefit? Definitely not you. It is sad to know, sometimes your company may not even value that effort you put in.

Sometimes after reading all this, you just forget it over the next few days, but then i think it is time to change that. Because sometimes you may not get that chance. I have for my part started
  • Walking for 1/2 hour every week. ( I can't run for nuts )
  • Swim if possible- since the weather is nice ( luckily i am not a person who is afraid of being dark- screw that )
  • Taken up yoga weekly and will increase to bi-weekly in a month's time.
  • Walk baby Russell and old man Comet. My two men in my life.
I hope i make a difference in my own life for a start. It takes something so sad to remind us this we take something so simple for granted.

P/S (Added @ 23:22pm): It's been a week past since Fren and i went seperate ways. I am surviving with my happy face. But while looking at some photos on my phone and when he called that day, i broke down and cried. Sometimes wouldnt life be much better without having pains like this? I just needed to post this.

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